Making Time:  Your Family Hangs in the Balance
by Anita S. Lane

While growing up, the month of September always meant that it was time to “buckle down and get serious,” after months of summer fun.  Now that I’m a mother in today’s fast paced society, a more fitting term for September is, “buckle up!”  School time hits and we’re off to the races—thrust into busy, often hectic schedules juggling work, school, extracurricular activities, volunteer commitments, housekeeping, family time and “me” time, if there is any time left over.
 
“Balance” is a Moving Target
Is achieving balance even attainable?  Yes, but be forewarned— it’s a moving target.  Imagine a tight rope walker.  While she is walking along the rope she often looks unsteady—even a little wobbly.  She veers a little to the left, then a little to the right, in order to stay on the rope.  Likewise, in real life, achieving balance means that during the course of a week or a day, we may bend a little to the left, or a little to the right to achieve just the right balance.  It’s not a straight plank.  Nor can we determine how balanced we are by focusing in on only one day… or even one week.
 
That being said, how we spend our time each day is a very good indicator of how well we are achieving overall balance in our lives.  But as the saying goes, “life happens,” and when it does, you just do your best and keep pressing forward.
 
Want a more balanced life?  First, make a decision to work towards achieving it.  As admonished by Psychologist Angelita S. Jacobs this month in her article, Simplify! Reigning in on the Family Schedule, you must identify your priorities and determine which commitments fit into those priorities.  You will have to make tough decisions and everyone in the family may not be happy initially.  But try to give everyone something they want in the schedule. In the long run, you will all be happier, healthier people for slowing down and taking charge of your time.
 
Discard Your “Busy” Badge
I heard one popular speaker state that in America , we often wear being “busy” like a badge.  “Oh, I’m so busy. I’m just busy, busy, busy…”   Perhaps we need to rethink whether being so “busy” is such a positive thing.  Certainly being overly “busy” is not synonymous with “success,” so we must discern what type of “busy” is good and just how “busy” we need to be in order to accomplish our purpose in life.
 
Studies show that stressful, overscheduled lifestyles are unhealthy for both adults and children.  We know that stress induces illness. However, it’s less commonly known that children without adequate time for spontaneous/creative play miss opportunities to enhance their cognitive, creative, language, and social development. Over-scheduling also leads to stress and anxiety in children and takes away from time spent building a strong family.  

According to the Journal of Research on Adolescence, strong families help to anchor children and provide a context in which to address complex issues as well as protect children from a range of health-compromising behaviors.
 
No Time to Play
A study conducted by Sandra Hofferth and Jack Sandberg [i], recorded significant changes in how children spend their time between 1981 and 1997.  Here are some of their findings:
 

• Outdoor activities—such as walking, hiking, and camping—declined by about 50% during the time period.
  
• Time spent in school increased from 21 to 29 hours per week—with the largest increase being in the time preschool children spent in child care or preschool.
  
• Churchgoing declined by 40%.
  
• Participation in organized sports nearly doubled for children.

Yes, there are positive outcomes associated with these findings.  Preschool children are more developmentally prepared for kindergarten, and older children who are engaged in sports are less likely to be involved high risk behavior and/or drop out of school.
 
At the same time, one of the major drawbacks of these changes is the impact on the family’s time together.  Many of the activities children currently engage in actually interfere with family routines (such as daily mealtimes or participation in religious gatherings) or family leisure (reading, playing, and talking together).  Less time together as a family may mean less emphasis on building family strengths.
 
Do you have a “strong” family? 
Common characteristics of strong families include:

• A pattern of spending time together
• A commitment to the family
• The ability to communicate with one another, and
• A strong religious orientation

Benefits of a Strong Family
A Strong Family Unit:

• Helps to anchor children and provide a context in which to address complex issues that are an inevitable part of growing up in our modern culture.
• Protects children from a range of health-compromising behaviors including drinking, smoking, attempting suicide, and engaging in sexual activity and violence

The long-term impacts of what may seem like a simple “routine schedule,” over time can prove detrimental in many ways. So let me admonish you to take back your time.  And as you create your new and improved schedule, be sure you make time to:

• pray and set the tone for your day
• exercise and lift weights to strengthen your heart and bones
• get involved in the lives of your family and friends—and engage in activities together
• eat … slowly, so that your brain registers that you’re full, and healthy—for a long, vibrant life
• eat together—with your spouse and/or children as much as possible
• rest one day a week to refresh yourself—spirit, soul and body
• work to live out your purpose but learn to put an end to your workday/work week
• Sleep to repair your cells and provide you strength for each new day

 
This fall, instead of falling into the “busy” trap, chart a new course.  While all the other parents and coworkers are flashing their “busy badge,” or complaining about how hectic their lives are, you can rest assured knowing that although you may not attend every “must see/must do” event, you are striving to create a lifestyle that makes you and your family truly happy and healthy.

Copyright ©2008 by Anita S. Lane